the adventurous ideas and endeavors got side tracked and i somehow got sucked into san francisco. how does one survive in the urban jungle? it definitely doesn't feel like gotham city like my last stomping ground... yet not nearly as artisticly inspiring. but who has time for art anyway? i work the 9-5 or... 8-6 or 7-9... depending...
how many days has it been since i did something totally selfish? or totally bold... completely out of line and not approved by society. things have started to feel rather suffocating lately. i've lost my mojo or my groove... somewhere along the way something got lost.
things feel rather ordinary, uninspiring and mundane. i dont feel that i'm truly absorbing all that life has to offer...
my wanderlusting is rusting!
i've got aches and pains and emotional drains i'm bored and snored
cant seem to move forward, stuck in a rut my gut is saying uck
we're dying here.
a death that wont ever come but just oozes on towards nothing filled with much of everything and not enough of something...
but what could it be
what has to give
where is the breaking point
when will the juices flow again
how will my wings grow?
what phoenix needs to die and embers need to be born?
what gives and takes
what makes and breaks somehow forgotten and yet
always remembers the cycles that spin and take away my grin
just a dull pain without gain and just energy wasted
... in vain.
would be nice to slice myself away from this loaf of plain white and mundane
set foot on new wholegrainy terrain
regain all that was lost or that still needs to be found
i'm outbound or maybe inbound to the sound of my own heart and the beat of my steps that know the way to being lost
on my own and fullfilled or emptied but just something different than this numbness and
how do i fly away?
and run! while i still stay...
i guess i could go
but it doesn't seem right
to always result to flight i suppose i should try stick it out
dont puss out!
stick through these times
find the purpose of this
carve out MY NICHE from this ditch
get myself going
AWAY from boring
towards colors and flutters
and jumping and dancing and living and dreaming and being!!... and vanessa-ing...